She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
