In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
