Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
