HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
