How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
