it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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