Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
