the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
