i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
