Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
