Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can I color on your dick again?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
