So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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