Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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