I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
