She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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