Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
God, I missed his penis.
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