But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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