its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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