all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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