Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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