I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
