I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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