I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
