I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
