You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
