I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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