Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
