At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
