just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You took a bar mat shot.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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