I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
