Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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