The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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