there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize