Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
