didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
