Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
