does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
