things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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