hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
