Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
