I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
