i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
