walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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