oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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