Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
