it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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