this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
