i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
