What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
