I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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