She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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