it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
