I feel great
I just peed on a car
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
