I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
