Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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