Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
