Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I died a long time ago.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
