the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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