Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
