very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
