i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
