His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
