so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
