i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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