know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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