I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he laminated a picture of his dick.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
