I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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