I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
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Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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