Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
