Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
