The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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