I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
